Letting things go is one of the most difficult things I had to learn on this journey. Letting go of my past, my drug abuse, my friends, my old life, and I am still struggling with that. Letting things go is part of the process of acceptance, because once you realize that you are not satisfied with your life, hopefully, you take the time to look around you. And you stop and see that the things you surround yourself with are the things that you have outgrown. That is a sign you need to change. 

 

Change is a natural part of life they say. But I have always been scared of change. But it’s a paradox. We all change…and why should I put myself inside a box when I am so much more than just an addict. It’s the one thing that I noticed in one of my first weeks inside the treatment. I had to say my name and what I was an addict. But I am so much more than just an addict, and that’s exactly what they helped me remember. That I am a woman. An artist. A worrier. That is how I felt these last 6 weeks. Like a worrier. Because we are. Fighting this war inside of our minds every day.

But at the same time when you commit yourself to recovery, you are being blessed with getting to live a life in such an amazing and mindful way. 

 

I think the part where I need to let go of control is a big step as well. My self-will. They talk about it in the program. Even right now. The fact that I’m sitting in a plane where I need to let go of control. And trust my life inside the hands of the pilot. That he will make sure we will land safe on the ground. I didn’t trust it for one bit 6 weeks ago. I felt so anxious going up in the air. But I can say now I can feel more at peace with it. The fact that I need to let go. To accept things. And leave it inside the hands of a bigger cause. I feel like I can trust in the world again. In myself. Little by little. All of this, thanks to the ones who helped and guided me. They helped me look inside for all the things that I was searching for externally: the hope, the strength, the courage, and the trust I lost in myself. A wise woman made me realize that these things I was looking for I already possessed. Because all this time I already was brave. Brave enough to take a step that could change the course of my life forever. If only I would open my mind and let the help come. And I did.

 

Simplicity and consistency is needed for a life in recovery. That I learned as well. As many of my fellows know I am a huge overthinker. We addicts tend to complicate everything inside our minds. Keeping things simple was not easy for me. Especially not for someone with anxiety and low self-esteem. Taking a step back from all those thoughts and trying to breathe was essential for me.
I learned that emotions are like waves. They come and they go. Some bigger than others. But in the end they are not so bad as they seem. They make us feel alive. And we can feel proud of ourselves when we overcome those waves of emotions. Because that is really what it’s all about. Our little achievements in life. 

 

Also, a big thing I learned is to be grateful for the little things. The small achievements you make every day make the biggest difference most of the time. It was the key for boosting my self-esteem. A wonderful woman taught me that. Among other things, great people have taught me. Like looking at yourself in the mirror every morning and every night. Maybe even every time you see your reflection! And tell yourself you are proud of the person you have become. That you love yourself and you deserve every beautiful thing coming towards you. Let nobody ever put out that fire burning inside you ever again. Because you are a Lion. Keep roaring. Everyday. And remember you’re not selfish for putting yourself and your recovery at first place. You are worth it. And you always will be. 

 

Thank you for everything ReCare,

D.P